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History Returns, And, This Time, It’s Personal
In response to Russia’s invasion, President George W. Bush declared that “Georgia is a sovereign nation and its territorial integrity must be respected.” This is the same man, you will recall, who, when asked questions about how his government had broken international law during its invasion and occupation of Iraq, would joke: “International law? I better call my lawyer.”
The absurd ironyometer has just downloaded plans off the Internet for building a bomb shelter in its backyard because it senses that we are moving into a neo-post-Russian period.
SOURCE: Big Alex’ Domesday Countdown Page
[http://www.allaboutalex.wha/Domesday/new]
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Guest Star Wakko Warner of Animaniacs Will Talk About Nuclear Disarmament
Sunday. 9:30am. PBS. Poit/Counterpoit. A show in which Pinky debates Pinky about current affairs. This week’s subject: are American plans to take over the world more or less realistic than Brain’s plan to buy up all of the property above the 39th floor of office buildings and then use the Hubble telescope to melt the polar ice cap and flood the planet?
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp’referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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Heroes Ain’t Nothing But The Name Of A TV Show Now
No Heroes Here
Georgian President Mikhail Saakashvili
Sent his troops out willy nilly
To the separatists in South Ossetia
He said “I’m gonna get ya”
But it was his soldiers who were beaten silly
Although he’s only Russia’s Prime Minister, Vladimir Putin
Took control of the situation – he da man!
Not liking (post-)history’s evolution
He totally crushed the revolution
And now he’s making noises about Poland
American Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice
Was looking for designer shoes at the best price
When she got the 3 (pm) call
She was too busy in the mall
And figured a response after the weekend would suffice
American President…ial…whatever John McCain
Has some responsibility for the wreckage of this train
Although he didn’t have the power
He promised, on Georgia, military benefits to shower
And an American ally was hung out to dry (once again)
SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/237.html]
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Parallel Bars Meet At Infinity (The Car, Not The Mathematical Concept)
MONDAY: You know what I don’t get? Ads for movies that say: “Everybody’s talking about [insert movie title here].” Of course they are – they’re critics! That’s their job! “Everybody” talks as much about Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo as they do about The Godfather! Could movie advertising be more meaningless? (It’s a rhetorical question – I really don’t want to know!)
TUESDAY: Okay, look. Companies that make cosmetics routinely shelve clinical studies that make their product look bad (by proving it causes terminal hair loss or other health problems). They only release the studies that make their products look good. So, I’m thinking, why bother testing on animals if you’re going to game the system anyway? In future studies, you should claim you did animal testing when you actually squirted your products into the eyes of stuffed rabbits and teddy bears. Who would know? I mean, it’s not like the government puts resources into checking industry-led studies for, you know, facts or anything. Think of all the animals we could save if cosmetics companies would just take their cheating to a whole nother level! I wonder if PETA has considered this approach?
WEDNESDAY: Parallel bars. Riiiiiight. You know, if you’re not interested in a sport between Olympics…
THURSDAY: People say the irony is killing them, but they don’t die. When was the last time you even saw somebody with a terminal case of irony on life support in a hospital?
FRIDAY: Jesus, dude! If that shirt was cut any lower, it would be pants!
SATURDAY: I think I’m going to start a Web site called Bridesmaids Rebellious, where we can share horror stories about weddings gone wild. And, of course, there will be advice, like: if somebody asks you to get breast augmentation surgery so that you can fill out the gown for her wedding, threaten to tell her every woman her fiance was – and is – sleeping with. Somebody’s gotta take a stand.
SUNDAY: Is it stupid to believe there are no stupid questions?
SOURCE: Random Thoughts and Blood Clots Home Page
[http:suzie.randomthoughts&bloodclots.blogspeck.com]
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Because We All Know The Dangers Of “Artificial” Timetables
“‘Retreating’ Russians push forward in Georgia
With no timetable for pullout, troops still man checkpoints in centre of country”
– Toronto Star
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1374859028]
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In The Wrong Hands, It’s A Powerful Argument (And, Only The Wrong Hands Would Touch It)
We finally have a Conservative corollary to the bogeyman of the liberal “nanny state:” the “daddy state.” Except, where fathers say “Because I said so,” members of the daddy state say, “Because my ideology said so.”
Take Health Minister Tony Clement, whose knowledge of medicine comes primarily from watching reruns of Marcus Welby, MD. He lectured a group of doctors on the evils of safe-injection sites, even though the evidence the doctors had supported the sites. What argument did Clement have? “Because my ideology said so.”
Or, how about Industry Minister Jim Prentice, who told an American audience that, despite losing manufacturing jobs at an alarming rate, the North American Free Trade Agreement was good for them. How did he know? “Because my ideology said so.”
Prime Minister Stephen Harper, who, in the best schoolyard bully tradition, has been taunting the Liberals to call an election, has been traveling across the country, trying to convince Canadians that a Conservative majority will be good for them. I wonder what makes him say that?
SOURCE: The Quick and the Detwiler
[http://quick&detwiler.blogspot.com/]
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Or, It Could Have Been The Eight Chili Cheese Dogs He Had For Lunch
Think it’s suspicious that of the 77 applications for permits to protest during the Olympic Games, China approved exactly zero? You shouldn’t be.
According to Public Security Official Lee Ping-Fong, the important thing was that there was a process for application, not the results of that process, which, of course, had been predetermined. American President George W. Bush chuckled and said, “Wish I thought of that.”
“You did,” responded Lee. “Our process for allowing permits was based on the pattern established by your process for prosecuting detainees at Guantanamo Bay.”
President Bush smirked at this. White Houseologists interpreted the smirk as extreme discomfort at the observation.
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=
M5UF23LWOLFFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUerE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DaGUereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/s127/Os/14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3c&resize=null&_requestid=21213]
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